From time to time Jane had spoken of her father's "crossing the line" when she was 11 years old and how that changed her life, but there was always something more important for the EFTeam to work on. This time it was front and centre and I naturally assumed that the vague event was a trauma.
We began building a habitat and she, quite surprised, corrected me. No, the event was not a trauma. Her father's subsequent change in behaviour - from being a loving companion and teacher to ignoring and even beating her--was the on-going distress, the rejection and abandonment that had affected her ever since. But even that was not to be the first focus of our session. I followed the proverbial yellow brick road.
Jane then said that her mother would often tell the story of the time when Jane was two years old having a temper tantrum. Her mother, in a rage, grabbed Jane's little arm and threw her and she went sailing across the newly waxed kitchen floor. At the end of the story, her mother would always laugh and say that Jane never again had a temper tantrum. Jane's metacomment was "My mother never loved me. I wasn't important. I was never good enough" which became our first set up. We didn't make it much past the Heart Hold before Jane burst into convulsive sobbing. Because I have a massage license, I felt free to hold her--with tears in my own eyes--while she sobbed. (Apparently her mother had never held her). When Jane was composed, I thought to build a "habitat" for little Jane's trauma, but adult Jane reminded me that she had no memory whatsoever of this event. She knew it only from her mother's recounting it. I assured her that nevertheless the incident was in her energy system--if only from the repeated tellings.
So we built a habitat for little Jane and began by asking how the aspect was feeling. Through quivering lips, Jane said, "Hurt. Not angry. Really hurt."
And so we tapped through the tears until she was quiet. What was she feeling now? "Terrified. And vibrant little Jane became passive until adulthood."
We tapped rounds on "Absolutely terrified." And then I asked what the aspect needed to feel better. No answer. So I proposed that Jane hold her aspect in the habitat and tell her that she would be with her and love her, protect her, keep her safe. Then, since we both knew the aspect would grow up to be very competent and very loved, we told her so. Smiles. And we brought in more and more energy for her to know in her knower that she was truly"Loved and Awesome." Lots of freedom and laughter.
Back to Father. I confirmed with Jane that she and her father were close until he "crossed the line." So indeed he had been a caring, attentive, supportive parent/teacher during those most important formative years. And, in spite of his guilt and shame which caused him to ignore and beat her later (Jane's awareness, not mine), his early gift to her played a very important part in her development. There didn't seem any need to tap on his post incident behavior because Jane had understood and forgiven him. Fast forward to their reconciliation in her 20's--and finally to his death bed. Through tears she said she was the only one there for him then--and acknowledged how lonely his life must have been with such a poor, selfish, self-centred wife. We tapped by talking to him, "Dad, you were there for me when I was a child and needed you so badly, and now at the end of your life I am here for you. That was your gift to me then and now this is my gift to you."
The healing event for Jane, she told me, was huge.
At the end of this long session, Jane acknowledged that even though her mother didn't have the capacity to give her love as a child, her mother was now loving her the best she could by helping her financially. And Jane, because she'd forgiven her mother long ago, was now modelling love to her--and letting her mother feel what it was like to be loved.