Dear Gary,
I continue to be amazed at how EFT often
'peels the layers' and gets to the heart of the matter where deep healing can
occur. In a recent session, my client, a young woman, told me she had worked
through her childhood sexual abuse issue in therapy, but still felt that fears
and other emotions got in the way of intimate relationships. She said she
'keeps people at bay' and 'loses her center' when she gets involved,
so relationships have always backfired.
GC COMMENT: I learned something very important early on with
these procedures. That is, when a new client (who hasn't done tapping before)
says something like, "I worked through my childhood sexual abuse issue in
therapy" THEY ARE ALMOST INVARIABLY WRONG!!!!! They're not lying, mind you.
What they mean is, they have learned to cope with it, to repress it, to change
subjects when the item comes up. But they haven't resolved it.
"Working through it," to most non-tapping clients,
means they have talked about it repeatedly in therapeutic sessions to hopefully
gain "insights" and thus "feel better about it." But ask them a pointed question
that gets to the heart of the matter and you will often get cringing, tears,
physical upsets and other symptoms of a still unresolved issue (in which they
have invested years of effort and a wad of money). Betty's client came in the
door with sexual abuse issues unresolved, as is indicated by her difficulty with
intimacy.
BETTY CONTINUES: I asked how she felt talking
about all that, and she said it affected her stomach. "My stomach feels
gurgly and gassy, it's holding onto something, not letting go. Something is not
being processed the way it should be." So we started tapping on "Although
there's something I can't digest and process..."
GC COMMENT: Superb! The creative turning of a physical symptom
toward an emotional issue. This pays dividends as you will see below.
BETTY CONTINUES: Her stomach calmed down with
the tapping and I asked, "If your digestive system could say what it is that
it can't digest and process, what would that be?" The answer she got was
"Too much excitement. I just can't process it. I get overwhelmed." We then
tapped on "Although I get overwhelmed" and she said, "yes, part of me
hates that feeling... but another part of me craves it, it's like teen energy, I
love the excitement."
I asked her to just close her eyes and be
aware of what that does inside: "It must set up a tension, an anxiety, to
have these two opposing parts." She said she wanted to learn to contain it
all, to enjoy excitement without being over stimulated. So we tapped for
"although I tend to get over stimulated"... and she began to get images
of herself as a child.
GC COMMENT: This is a perfect example of how tapping for
broader issues such as "overwhelmed" and "over stimulated" often uncovers more
specific items. EFT has a way of unearthing more important issues by "clearing
away the protective debris."
BETTY CONTINUES: She became aware that as a
child, if she felt good about anything, she couldn't contain it, had to 'go
out and burn it off.' This had been true in adulthood too. Feeling good made
her 'want to go out and party.'
Gary, I thought of what you say about
addictions - that there's always underlying anxiety driving the compulsive
behavior. I suggested that she close her eyes and think about feeling good.
"And what does that do? Does it give you a calm feeling? Or does feeling good
give you anxiety?" It was as if a light went on in her head. She
realized that this was the core of her inability to have successful
relationships -- whenever she would get close to someone and begin to enjoy the
pleasure of that, the anxiety would be so strong that she would have to sabotage
things.
GC COMMENT: Sabotage things??? Why? There's an experience, an
event, a core issue behind this which, if you can find it (or them), you can
achieve true resolution. Read on.
BETTY CONTINUES: So we tapped for "Although
feeling good makes me anxious..." And tears welled up. She realized that, as
a child, at times "the sexual abuse felt good but it was bad." And so she
was still carrying that strong inner message that it wasn't ok to feel good. We
tapped for "Although I learned that feeling good was bad..." and
"Although my child believed that feeling good was bad, I deeply & completely
love and accept my child and I know she was a good girl and it wasn't her
fault." This was all very moving, the first time she had truly felt
compassion for how confused that part of her had been. We tapped on "releasing
this belief that feeling good is bad".
GC COMMENT: Sexual abuse is among the leading issues that
drive people into therapist's offices. While I'm not a therapist, I have
certainly had my share of consultations with this segment of the population.
When I ask them what emotions they have about it, I almost always hear fear and
anger. That's understandable. But do you know what term I have RARELY heard them
use (at least at first)? Guilt. The sexual abusee rarely brings up guilt until I
prod them about it as the session unfolds.
Of course there's guilt. Of course. Of course. Sexual abuse
involves our pleasure zones. Sex is nature's greatest feelie and it is very
likely that at least part of the sexual abuse feels good to the abusee. This is
not always the case, of course. I certainly recognize that. But if you ask
probing questions and have the proper rapport, you will find a majority of such
cases have GUILT as the primary issue--not fear or anger. "It feels good but
it's not supposed to. I liked some of it but I shouldn't have." All this
shows up in Betty's client as "feeling good is bad" and it is affecting her
everyday behavior--especially intimacy.
Guilt and sex often go hand in hand but yet our social
pressures are such that abusees would rather work on their fear and anger rather
than their guilt. They don't even want to face the guilt. Who would? Fear and
anger are directed outwardly. With fear and anger we get to blame someone else.
It's easy to do. Guilt, however, can only be an "inside job." People resist
working on their own guilt. However, with many sexual abuse cases it is THE
issue to address and complete resolution will not come about it is handled.
BETTY CONTINUES: There was more to the session
as we tapped on the pain of how there was no one to tell (about the abuse) and
no one to help her... grief for all she had lost by not being able to bond in
relationship with others during adulthood. Then, at a certain point, she got in
touch with some very positive childhood memories, feeling great about her body
while excelling at a certain sport, really in the flow, 'feeling good and calm
at the same time.' We 'rubbed in the positive' using the EFT points, rubbing in
'the feeling of being fully alive and not over stimulated, just calm and in the
flow.'
When I spoke with her a few days later, she
said she really felt different. "Connections with people feel different. I
feel an easiness being with people. I just feel closer. It's like the anxiety
all went away. There's a part of me that feels really peaceful now. And I've
been really energetic!" It's so wonderful how the positive life energy flows
when the negative that has been weighing it down is removed.
I can't tell you how grateful I am for EFT.
Over and over, I have clients who say, "Therapy helped but..." And then
EFT takes them to a new level. This work does accomplish breakthroughs and
profound healing - quantum leaps!
Love & hugs,
Betty  

From Gary Craig's website