Hi, Gary.
Just now getting to read mail that has backed
up for several weeks. I want to share my own similar experience with you.
"Sandy" and her partner came in for
pre-marriage counseling. Among the issues they were concerned about was their
sexual relationship. Most often, she found herself reacting with uncontrollable
negative feelings when he initiated sexual play. He was willing to be patient,
kind and understanding, and seemed genuinely interested in sex as a shared
experience, which she freely acknowledged. Still, she got upset and turned off.
They asked whether I could help. I suggested a session with her alone.
When she came in I asked the gentle question,
"Is there something in your earlier years that you could talk about?" She
immediately burst into tears, her SUDS shot to a ten, and she began to relate
her story, punctuated with heavy sobbing and gasping. I sat, quiet and
attentive, as she told this cryptic story: "When I was seven years old we
lived in [a small town in Southern Oregon]. One day my step-father took me for a
walk down a country road. It was in the summer. We hiked up the side of a hill.
Then we stopped. Then he took off all my clothes. Then he took off all his
clothes."
At this point she was scarcely able to breath.
I stopped her and said that it was not necessary to go any further, but to
follow my lead and do what I showed her. We went through the first EFT tapping
procedure without even clearing for PR. Her 0-10 intensity dropped to 6. We then
cleared with "Even though I still have some of this…" and tapped again.
0-10 intensity fell to 2. One more clearing with "Even if I never get
completely over this…" and a last round of tapping.
By this time she was breathing quietly. Her
skin was free of blotches, her eyes were clear, and she was looking at her
hands, lying folded in her lap. I said, "Sandy, as you sit there now, think
back to that hot summer day when your step-father took you for that walk down
that country road. Think about how you hiked up the side of that hill until you
stopped. Think about how he took off all your clothes. Think of how he took off
all his clothes. (pause) Now, what do you get?"
She sat there without moving for maybe five
seconds, then looked calmly at me and said, without undue emotion. "Well, I
still hate him." I agreed that hating him was a pretty reasonable response
and possibly a useful one to keep, then asked, "But what about the distress
you were feeling?"
Again she paused before answering. This time
she laughed as she said, "I don't know. I just can't get there. Well, that
was 20 years ago. I was just a little girl. I couldn't protect myself then the
way I can now. What's the point in getting upset about something like that. I
never let that man touch me again, and my kids have never been allowed to be
near him. I don't know, it just doesn't seem to bother me like it did."
That was over two years ago. I asked her a
couple of months ago whether "that problem" we had worked on had ever come back.
She laughed and told me that it was "good and gone." Her partner, now her
husband, whom I saw last week, confirmed that there was no sign of the former
difficulties. They have the usual "things", he said, but nothing they could not
handle.
Thanks for letting me share, Gary. And, more
than anything, for teaching me what has become central to my practice.
Blessings, Alan  

Alan